Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I'm more of a hypocrite than I thought and that blows.

Note: Did you know the name of the font is Verdana not Veranda? I've been using it for the almost seven years I've had this blog and just noticed that. Apparently, attention to detail is not my strong suit after all.

In my last blog post, I wrote about how, even though I hate it when people are mean to each other on social media, I sometimes think really mean things about people and then I listed a few examples of what I'd been tempted to post that morning. Well, that apparently got someone's panties all in a wad because they thought one of those points was aimed at them even though the person it was aimed at took all their pictures in a cubicle, so it would be impossible for it to be that person. But whatever, shit like that happens and you just have to move on. 

Except for when you let people get under your skin, which in turn does more harm than good. 

See, I don't read some posts on social media, but sometimes Grace does and reports back to me when they are obviously being aimed at me, warranted or not. Every once in a while I bite, even though I know engaging people is pointless because no one ever wins. Really, all it does is stir up a mess that won't go away because all parties are too stubborn and prideful to let anyone else walk away the seeming winner in the situation. I bite even though I decided to end friendships months ago because of behaviors (not beliefs) I simply didn't want in my life, as I am working on my "happiness project," which is another reason it makes me so mad I allowed people to get under my skin. 

Letting people get under my skin and engaging in snarkiness before I think of the consequences isn't something I do often, but when I do, it's something I always regret. After I say what's on my mind in a very public forum and it's posted there forever, I always end up asking myself why I bothered. What was the point? What was accomplished? All I've allowed is for someone I don't associate with or, in some cases even know, to mark one in the victory column because they got a rise out of me. That does make me a hypocrite because it's the very thing I hate to see other people do just for the sake of being mean. 

As part of my happiness project, I am going to try harder not to let ugly opinions and half-truths get the best of me anymore. Everyone has their own version of the truth and a right to their opinions, and jumping down their throats won't change it. I refuse to allow myself to engage in futile acts any longer, even if I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds and break all my fingers to keep from typing a response. I've already told Grace she can continue to be friends with whomever she chooses, but I'd like her to not read those things to me anymore. Especially on nights when there's no yoga class for me to go get all zen in instead of losing my shit like a teenage girl all over social media. 

I've made certain decisions lately in order to be a better me and engaging in foolishness, especially with people who aren't even part of my life, works against my goal. I'm too old to be going backwards in this here project.

So, shame on me for engaging in foolishness. It was a huge step backwards and one I hope to not make in the future. 


steve said...

You have held true to your promise to blog on deeper subjects. Thank you. As always, I enjoy and envy your writing style.

You're still kinda lazy, though. A post about every 4-5 days. Really? It doesn't seem like you're trying very hard to entertain me for free.

Write a book. Send me a (free) copy.

Kellie said...

A weak moment that's all it was. No biggie - we all have them.

Katy Anders said...

I like the idea of a "happiness project." I also like the way the words fit together.

I don't worry too much about hypocrisy anymore. Emerson said, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."