Friday, January 3, 2014

My brother's a war horse, so, you know...

Tonight while Grace and I were visiting Joy Fay at the hospital, we got a special treat and got to sneak out to supper with my best girlfriends, Jody and Rosa. While at supper, Jody was talking about a girl we went to high school with who gets real upset over slut shaming. 

Little Grace got a confused look on her face and said, "What's that?" 

I was like, "You know, like that thing you retweeted from Miley Cyrus today."

Grace was like, "Ohhh, I thought you said 'slut shaving.'"

We thought that was the funniest thing we'd hear all night and we just laughed and laughed.

Then I called my brother. 

I volunteered to tell him our mother is sick because I love my sister and didn't want her to have to deal with it. I thought he would cry and cry because he's sensitive like that. I was totally unprepared for what transpired. The following is a re-enactment of our conversation:

Me: Hey, S-, this is CTM!

S-: My baby sister CTM? 

Me: Yep, this is your baby sister.

S-: Hey, this is my baby sister! I'm a war horse.

Me: What?

S-: I'm a war horse. Yeehaw!

Me: Uh, okay? Well, our mother…

S-: You're a mother?!?!

Me: Well, yeah, but our mother, the lady who gave birth to us…

S-: You gave birth?!?! I'm a war horse. Yeehaw! I can't hear you. Hold on.

(At this point, I put the phone down and asked Grace if this was really happening.)

S-: I'm back. You know, I'm a war horse. You're a mother. Yeehaw! Did you know I'm a war horse?

Me: Yeah, I think you mentioned that. So, our mother…

S-: I try to stay out of trouble but I'm a war horse. I can't believe my little baby sister is calling me. I love you so much.


My brother. 

And it went like this for some time until I finally said, "You know, I think it's me with the bad cell reception. If I don't call you back tonight, I'll call you back tomorrow."

S-: I love you, baby sister. Yeehaw.

Me: I love you, too.

S-: Yeehaw. 

Me: Okay, bye.

S-: Yeehaw.

At this point I realized there was but one way to get off the phone.

Me: Yeehaw to you as well.

That was it.

When I finally got off the phone with the war horse, I called my niece to let her know this new development. We discussed googling war horses so maybe we could understand him better.

But, my favorite call was to my sister because, you know, it's not everyday you get to call your sibling and say, "So, our brother's a war horse."

My least favorite call will be when I get to try this again tomorrow.

Because, he's a drinker.

Obviously. 

Our hope is that war horses only drink at night, but once they sun comes up they turn back into real boys.

1 comment:

Katy Anders said...

Usually, when I come upon someone who is drunk or stoned and willing to make a fool of themselves like that, I try to see what i can get them to say. But it sounds as though he was just volunteering the crazy.