My current foray into cat horniness is by no means my first. Not by a long shot. You see, while most people know spring is in the air because the flowers are blooming and baby animals are starting to be created, I generally know when a cat looking for love in all the wrong places makes his need for some Barry White (I always type Barry Green instead of White) and candles known outside my window. This generally occurs at night, when I am in a dead sleep. There's nothing like a cat screaming in that horrible high pitched scream, "Come and you get you some of this," to make you sit straight up in bed and fear for your life. Or being molested by a feline.
However, when the horny cat lives in your own home, it's like 5000 times worse than just some random cat outside your window because, once the random cat realizes yours is not a cat house (Did you see my play on words there? I'm hi-larous.) it will usually go away. The cat in your house will not go away unless it is the victim of an unfortunate accident. Each day of screaming increasing those odds greatly.
Mocho Loco Ya Ya Hey Kitty Soul Kitty's desire for love was not really all that annoying at first. That's because, in the beginning she just loved her mama and wanted to be held and cuddled and she slept at my feet without trying to murder me every night. She was a sweet angel, so I should've known something wasn't right in the universe.
Then she started doing this weird thing where she sprawled out and rolled around on the floor. NJ was like, "Someone's going into heat."
I was horrified by such an accusation and may or may not have said, "She is not. She's only five-months-old so she is too young for the s-e-x."
He was like, "Did you just spell sex?"
Uh, yeah. I don't want her getting any ideas and I haven't taught her to spell yet, so she doesn't know what I was talking about. Duuuuhhhhh.
But then came the screaming that I guess was supposed to bring all the tomcats to the yard. The constant, "Hey come and get you some of this, Loverboy!" screaming that made me want to kill her. Granted, it only last for about four days, but those were four annoying damn days. Annoying enough, young Max was going around the saying, "Dear God, Cat, stop trying to make sweet love to everything in the house."
Friday we called the vet and she told us to bring her in today to get spayed because Tuesdays are 20% off at our local clinic.
Cha-ching.
This morning we wrestled her in her carrier and all cried on the way to the vet because she was crying. I tried to give the kids the speech Bob Barker used to give on the Price's Right about spaying and neutering your pets, but it didn't pack quite the same punch. Maybe I need a tan and microphone to pull that message off.
MLYYHKSK is home from surgery now and she's pissed the hell off. Not only did she have surgery, but they also trimmed her claws so it's way harder for her to try to claw our eyes out when she's having a "moment." I'm not sure which one she's more angry about, but I know she's angry because usually when I tell her to pose for a picture for mommy, she looks up at me lovingly. Today?
She wouldn't even look at me. When Grace tried to pick her up a second ago, she did look at her. She looked her straight in the eye and never said a word. It was like a kitty death stare.
So, if you don't hear from us for a while, it's not God doing you a favor. It's because we're being tortured to death by a pissed off cat with no claws or uterus.
Grace said once I got rid of my uterus I was much nicer.
Guess it doesn't work the same way in cat world.
However, when the horny cat lives in your own home, it's like 5000 times worse than just some random cat outside your window because, once the random cat realizes yours is not a cat house (Did you see my play on words there? I'm hi-larous.) it will usually go away. The cat in your house will not go away unless it is the victim of an unfortunate accident. Each day of screaming increasing those odds greatly.
Mocho Loco Ya Ya Hey Kitty Soul Kitty's desire for love was not really all that annoying at first. That's because, in the beginning she just loved her mama and wanted to be held and cuddled and she slept at my feet without trying to murder me every night. She was a sweet angel, so I should've known something wasn't right in the universe.
Then she started doing this weird thing where she sprawled out and rolled around on the floor. NJ was like, "Someone's going into heat."
I was horrified by such an accusation and may or may not have said, "She is not. She's only five-months-old so she is too young for the s-e-x."
He was like, "Did you just spell sex?"
Uh, yeah. I don't want her getting any ideas and I haven't taught her to spell yet, so she doesn't know what I was talking about. Duuuuhhhhh.
But then came the screaming that I guess was supposed to bring all the tomcats to the yard. The constant, "Hey come and get you some of this, Loverboy!" screaming that made me want to kill her. Granted, it only last for about four days, but those were four annoying damn days. Annoying enough, young Max was going around the saying, "Dear God, Cat, stop trying to make sweet love to everything in the house."
Friday we called the vet and she told us to bring her in today to get spayed because Tuesdays are 20% off at our local clinic.
Cha-ching.
This morning we wrestled her in her carrier and all cried on the way to the vet because she was crying. I tried to give the kids the speech Bob Barker used to give on the Price's Right about spaying and neutering your pets, but it didn't pack quite the same punch. Maybe I need a tan and microphone to pull that message off.
So, if you don't hear from us for a while, it's not God doing you a favor. It's because we're being tortured to death by a pissed off cat with no claws or uterus.
Grace said once I got rid of my uterus I was much nicer.
Guess it doesn't work the same way in cat world.
4 comments:
Maybe Bill got the better end of the deal. When Pounce got broke, she was just drugged and perplexed. Your little snot (see what I did there? I know what moco is) certainly looks pissed all to hell. Good luck.
This cracked me up so bad because 1) been there done that with our cats and 2) I also spell in front of the dog! Hubby always says "that girl ain't right"!
Ya know, I have just realized that tom-cats have gotten a bad rep over the years. "Tom-catting around" and such.
They are no different than other male mammals. They just have the opportunity to not have to guess...
Bill
I just had to laugh at this post because well, it was hilarious and also because I am going through the same thing, our house cat is in heat right now and it's driving me nuts. I called a vet today, so we are about to get her spayed soon (thank god!) Honestly, I won't care if she gets mad at me, I can get over it but I can't get over the screaming from the cat!!
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