Thursday, December 20, 2012

Sometimes the best laughter occurs through tears.

As many of my 235 loyal readers know, this week has been shitastic. Thank you for all the sweet supportive comments. I will one day reply to them, probably this day in the comments section of that post. Or tomorrow. Because now I'm all sleepy. Y'all really are the best readers ever, though and I love all y'all a whole lot!

My girlfriends and I were all going into Tuesday night with a horrible feeling of sadness because, as my dear friend Erin said, we are a three hearted family and when one of us hurts, we all hurt. It's true. Although, I think it's more like a four hearted family, because Erin is always there to see me through, just like my Rosa and Jody. She just hasn't had to contend with thirty years of my shit, like Rosa has.

Which brings us to the laughter through tears.

First off, while getting ready for the viewing at Rosa's house, I accidentally punched myself in the throat. I made this horrible gurgling sound and Rosa was like, "What the hell?" We now know, if I threaten to punch you in the throat, your ass better watch out cause it hurts like a mo-fo. It really does, do don't effing mess with me, assholes.

Once we arrived to the viewing, Rosa and the other Erin (we try to have friends with the same names so we don't have to remember a bunch of shit) went to look at Jody's mom and I stayed back. Jody's aunt saw me and grabbed my hand and asked if I'd seen her.

I was like, "No. My granny died when I was fairly young and something about seeing her traumatized me and I've never been able to do it again."

Her aunt looked at me kind of funny and then busted out laughing. 

"I meant Jody," she said. "You don't have to look at Suzanne if you don't want to, Honey." 

Laughter through tears. 

Then Rosa and I had to run to Kohl's and, while shopping, Rosa heard one of the workers telling some other people in Spanish someone was in the parking lot trying to steal cars. Rosa is a good Hispanic person to have on hand because no one suspects she knows the Spanish, so she can get the good shit on the DL.

Since her car is paid off, we decided to save the day. 

With my expired pink mace. 

And we set our clothes down so no one would take them before we got back because they were cute (on the hanger). 

I think we have a real future in law enforcement.

The following morning at the funeral, the final hymn was Jody's mom's favorite hymn. It's called "I Danced in the Morning." I linked to it. See if you can find the part in the lyrics that had us all trying not to look at each other to see if anyone else was confused. I may have been the only one who had to suppress laughter since that's what I do when I'm nervous due to confusion.

I had to leave right after the funeral to deal with hospice here at home and I did cry and laugh at our moments of regular us even in our time of sadness, only to get home to deal with more sadness.

But to also find a little something to laugh at, even though it's probably not all that funny because it's sad, but we had to find the humor somewhere to keep from falling apart.

My FIL has started peeing in the bathtub.

I guess he got tired of trying to aim for the toilet and figured he had way better odds of hitting his target with going for the tub. 

Because he is a polite man, he still flushes the toilet after going in the bathtub.

Grace usually alerts us to it when she screams, "PaPaw peed in the tub again!!" in that really dramatic way only 15-year-old girls can scream things, and Nathan will grab the bleach and go clean it out. We may have the cleanest tub in town at this point.

So, we are still sad and the end is very near. He's cold now and, although we had a great moment of lucidity this morning, he's struggling to breathe and his eyes have begun to fixate on things that sometimes aren't even there. I told him today we love him and he has made our lives way better, so if he's tired and doesn't want to fight anymore, it's okay because we are truly blessed for the time we had with him and don't want him to suffer anymore.

But those moments where we can laugh and find the humor among all the sadness are getting us through and are treasures we'll keep forever.

I may bail out for a while until I'm less of a Debbie Downer and then come back with my sharp wit and snarkiness you all love. Unless the Mayans were right and tomorrow it's all over. 

In which case, sorry for the last two posts being so depressing even though I'm pretty sure my blog won't be the last thing on your mind in that particular situation.


Jodi said...

So sorry you've had such a hard week. Thinking of you during this time. {{ hugs }}

Donna said...

What you're going through totally sucks; there's just no way to pretty it up with tinsel. You're already ahead of the game knowing laughter helps, so does crying - and when those two fail, there's always a fine box of wine. I'd say 'hang in there' but with as depressed as you must be, it might not be a good idea to 'plant the seed". Don't be so busy caring for everyone else you can't take care of yourself!

Allenspark Lodge said...

The good news is urine kills athlete's foot fungus.

I won't say your father in law is a lucky man, but he IS very fortunate in his son's choice of mate.


Laney G said...

I enjoy reading your blogs along with more that i read. i just never hear from anyone. so one day when you get a chance i'd love to have a person with so much wit as yourself to comment and give me some feed back on things. I pray things go well for you and that your FIL finds peace. I'm glad he's gotten to know a great daughter in law. because i see how much you care for him and how much you have cared for him. Your husband is a lucky man.

Anonymous said...

Bless your heart!!

michelle said...

Thinking of you and your family hugs to you all

Donna said...

was thinking about you and your family today... hoping the New Year brings you much happiness to balance out the sadness that may also be heading your way.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

You can't always be snarky and fun, but you are still awesome for sharing the real side of your sadness. And I do SO not know whether to laugh or cry at this post so you definitely got your feeling across. :)

Candance said...

Thank you very much and I totally know how lucky my hubs is. He's just slow to catch on.