Thursday, July 12, 2012

I Think This Makes Me Jack Nicholson

As my father-in-law and I have been visiting these past few days, it has come to light he has a bucket list of sorts. It's nothing extravagant and to most people probably wouldn't seem like much to really want to accomplish before they die, but I guess when you're dying your bucket list can be anything you want it to be. It actually only has four items on it and, since it's pretty much he and I for the rest of his days, I have decided it's my duty to make sure he gets to do all the things he wants to before his time is up. 

One of the things on his list is to attend the Grand Prairie High School/South Grand Prairie football game this year. He says he is now and forever will be a Gopher (Yes, our mascot was a gopher. I know they look all cute, but I think they'll kill you. Or not.). My hope is they win because how much would it suck if the last Gopher football game he ever saw in his whole life was a losing game against their biggest rival? 

I know that gopher looks all cute and innocent.
That's how they get you to let your guard down
and then rip your face off. Or jump out of
a hole on the golf course. Either way,
you'll piss your pants.  I found the pic here.

He would also like to attend a UNT football game because he had family who graduated from there when it was North Texas College and he just thinks it's a neat school. He likes the new stadium, too. 

He is a huge NASCAR fanatic and wants to see a race at Texas Motor Speedway. I think the next race is in November, so I'm hoping he'll still be doing well enough by then to be able to go. I don't think he's ever seen a race in person, so that would be huge for him to do before he's gone. 

I think maybe I shouldn't say I want to help him do all the things on his list, because this one is a pretty bad idea, methinks. The other night he found out that, not only is his arch nemesis from high school still alive, but he also found out where he lives. He wants to go to his house, ring the doorbell and punch him in the mouth one last time when he answers the door. I told him maybe we should amend that to toilet papering his house because, while it would totally be memorable, I'd rather not be involved in a high speed chase with the Grand Prairie police with my terminally ill father-in-law in the car. He thinks a high speed police chase would be fun. I think it's terrifying when I'm the voice of reason and I'm fixing to put on cammo and hide the bushes to shoot whomever is stealing my mail with an air soft gun. Obviously, we shouldn't be left unsupervised.

So, yeah, I guess I'm kind of like Jack Nicholson in the Bucket List, minus the millionaire, terminally ill old man part. 

I swear to Baby Jesus, if this thing ends for me like it ended for Jack in the movie, I am going to be seriously pissed. 

And if it does, my ashes better be put in something cuter than a coffee can. Preferably something slimming that contains pink and glitter. Also, don't drop me off on a mountain. 

Just leave me at the gates of Dollywood.


Katy Anders said...

How good of shape is his arch enemy in?

How good is his eyesight?

I liked this one. It made me laugh... and sort of appreciate the fact that I'm not responsible for anyone older than me.

Laney said...

your blog are always interesting. I think it would be nice and sweet of you to help him accomplish the things on his bucket list. and I think it was a good idea to tell him to toilet paper the dude's house instead of punching him in the mouth. I wouldnt think someone would actually put that on a bucket list. Let the past go is what I think.

Allenspark Lodge said...

I've come back 3 or 4 times and re-read this post.

I have nothing to say.

One simply can not add to perfection.

Great. Post.


Allenspark Lodge said...

Oh... I do like the brown leather better than the black paint splatters. At least on the blog.


Michelle Hoad said...

You have to let him do something better than toilet papering. I'll be thinking, but for now, flaming dog shit in a bag on the front porch is all I can come up with.

Pam said...

Ok, your crazy all right but my kind of crazy. Drive the man to the arch enemy's house and let him wail away. I'm sure the cops would understand. Especially if you tell them he's doing it to go to jail so that Texas can pick up the medical bill. Good chances they will just let you be.