Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Flying Squirrels Should've Been a Sign

I've tried a couple of different times to start this post, but there's so much stuff it ended up being really long and that's just the part BEFORE we went to dinner. I know I tend to be long winded, but this has the potential to get long enough to aggravate even me, so I'm going to roll with the bullet points. You're welcome.

  • Leiah, Katie Scarlett, Michelle, her hubby and two of her 38 kids were all coming from out of town, yet they managed to make it to the hotel before me and I only live 30 minutes away. This allowed them time to familiarize themselves with the lay of the land.
  • So, when I came flying in screaming I had money to pay for my room but was about to wet my pants, they knew the girls I referred to as the "popular girls from seventh grade" who were in the bathroom with me were there for a church school banquet. 
  • Based on the fact they started directing people to said banquet and suggested to the hotel staff they make a sign pointing to the banquet, the SGG and SGG in training apparently also had time to learn in which room it was being held. 
  • Whomever thought it a good idea to put a bunch of impressionable Christian kids and the SGG in a hotel at the same time won't make that mistake again. 
  • When Leiah told the hotel worker I wasn't a flying squirrel, I thought she'd finally lost her damn mind. 
  • Turns out we were sharing our hotel with a baseball club with that particular name.
  • Do you know how many jokes you can make about a group called the flying squirrels in a 48 hour period? 
  • A lot. 
  • The hotel manager seemed hesitant to move my room between Leiah's and Michelle's until he spent about five minutes in the lobby with all of us and our offspring. 
  • Suddenly, he realized separating us and making travel down the hallway necessary in order to visit with one another would turn those flying squirrels into angry flying squirrels and he made that shit happen.
  • We probably pissed them off anyway when a pack tried to board the elevator with us and Grace loud whispered, "SHUT THE DOOR! SHUT THE DOOR!" and then Katie looked them in the eye and said, "I'm claustrophobic," as the door shut in their surprised squirrel faces. 
  • If you spell El Fenix like this:
  • I didn't really take this pic. Katie did, but I put CTM on it anyway
    because sometimes I steal, even if all I'm stealing
    is credit. I'm a bitch like that.
    Leiah is gonna be confused as hell. 
  • After a dinner that involved a couple of drinks each for the women, Michelle's husband generously offered to watch all the little children while we made bouquets. 
  • Probably for his own sanity. 
  • Thank God he wasn't there to see me direct said small children down the hall with a super sharp pink knife. 
  • Monday night when NJ was pouring me (his smoking ass hot wife) a class of wine, he asked me why there were there were teeth marks in the cork. 
  • Well, that's cause Friday night, I had to use my teeth to get the cork out of the open bottle because my fingers wouldn't work anymore. There's a pic of that somewhere. 
  • While hanging out making bouquets, a boy Grace was texting told her she couldn't text.
  • Because we're in a gang and even those in training have each other's back, Katie snatched the phone and texted the poor unsuspecting lad in response. Her message? "The hell I can't, mother effer." 
  • His response? "Well, you couldn't a minute ago." He won't look Grace in the eyes anymore, though. 
  • Somehow, with all the laughing, drinking, near stabbing of small children and traumatizing of Grace because we apparently talk like a bunch of dudes in a locker room, we still managed to get all three bouquets made and even represented the SGG and Christy, who had to miss the shindig, with my "something borrowed": 
I didn't take this picture either. I just steal all the time. 
If you want to see more of the gorgeous pics while you wait for the second installment of the wedding stuff (and you know you do because Katie is one hell of a photographer), go like Katie Scarlett Photography on Facebook and check them out!


Zen Mama said...

I have lost touch for a long while but am elated to tune back in and find true love prevails! To you and Leiah and NJ and the kids, I am so, so happy. And Yes, I put Leiah before NJ on purpose because I get to see this through her eyes.

What a beautiful bride.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

OMG, you really can't make this stuff up! Thanks for making reading this blog such a wonderful, guilty pleasure.

R said...

Well, have to say congrats on your new happy and "legal" hook up. Although i have to say I think i enjoyed your blog more when you were single. And that has nothing to do with the fact that my pet name for you is "Tasty cakes". All kidding to the side, all the best to ya, and may all your wildest wishes come true.

Rachel said...

I am dying over Miss Katie's "I'm claustrophobic" winner.

She's a keeper.

Flying Squirrels? Y'all need to come up with some kind of slogan for SGG that incorporates that. Hilarious!