Eye Opener

Have you ever been in a situation you know is bad- a relationship, a job, a person that is a suck on your life-but you tell yourself it's probably not any worse than what anyone else deals with and it will eventually work itself out? But then you have an experience outside of what is your "normal" and it makes you realize that not only is your situation much worse than what other people probably deal with, it really, really sucks and maybe you need to get out of it? Yeah, I totally had one of those moments yesterday.

For the first time in longer than I care to think about, I saw my kids happy and their little faces lit up. We laughed and played and we not only participated in life, but we were eager to do it and try new things. We got to talk to friends without being nervous. No one was tiptoeing around worried about doing something "wrong" that would upset someone else and the kids didn't even fight. We even felt at home, even though it wasn't our home (it used to be). We were relaxed and there wasn't one iota of tension anywhere around us. We actually felt like a normal family. I'd forgotten that normal not only existed, but I could actually be a part of it. It was eye opening.

I've put my little people in a situation that isn't healthy for them or me and I didn't realize how much it effected them or how bad it was until I saw how happy they were yesterday. Grace spent an hour throwing a football and loving it! A football! My child has never thrown a football in her life, much less done it and had a blast doing it. Also, the Dallas Cowboys could totally use her because apparently her amazing softball arm carries over into the football. She could totally be a (insert position of person who throws the football and catches it a lot here). Max and I, who are far less athletic (thank God he's smart) played a game with a ball from a kid's meal because our football attempts were sad and we lost our football tossing privileges. It was fun and we all laughed and joked with each other and we were able to breathe. I didn't know we weren't breathing until yesterday, but we haven't been because we've been too busy waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Somewhere along the way I think I decided to settle. I gave up, really, and figured what I'm doing is the best I could do for my kids and me. Maybe I thought it was all I deserved for the many mistakes I've made. But yesterday made me realize it's not. Yesterday was the kick in the butt I needed to make me open my eyes and realize I need to make some changes because no matter how much I try to convince myself that things will work themselves out or it's just a period of adjustment but eventually it will be okay, the fact is I'm doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result and that ain't gonna cut it. I've been making the same excuses for far too long. Now, I have to stop making excuses and do the right thing. It's not going to be easy and it's going to mean more changes, but I finally know what changes I need to make, so we can only go up from here, right?

Something tells me things are about to get interesting.
o

Eye Opener