As most of y'all know, my son attends a fancy private school that is currently funding my trip to the poor house. He's gone there the past two years and The Artist Formerly Known as My Husband and I do love it verily. I mean, we have a kindergartner that knows all the presidents (and their middle names), the states (their capitals and where most of them are on the map), all the bones in the body, reads at a sixth grade level and can do some pretty advanced math. We were freaking out a little when he started school last year because his school didn't go beyond kindergarten and there is only one other montessori school nearby that does. It has a waiting list and our only other option was putting him in a private christian school (not even really an option cause we're not down with all that) or unleashing him on the public school system, which wasn't likely to bode well for anyone involved. Then, miracle of miracles, his school decided to add an elementary program that would go through third grade. Y'all, I swear I heard the angels singing when I received this glorious news.
Apparently, my elation over this glorious news has caused me to lose my senses just a little because this morning, when I read an e-mail from his school directress (kind of like the principal in public school) asking parents to sign up for the PTA (actually PTO but that also stands for Paid Time Off and, while I do need some, that is not what she was offering), I volunteered. And immediately regretted it.
Up until this point, I have avoided the PTA at all costs other than that one time I bitched out the PTA president at Grace's school. See, y'all, I don't bake. Or craft. Or scrapbook and, oddly, those letters they send out at the first of the year seeking parents with specific talents never seek a foul-mouthed smart-ass. They don't know what they're missing. I'm just sayin'.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the Parent Teacher Association or Organization or whatever the hell they call it at your school. I am sure they are lovely people that have the best interest of our children at heart. And, as long as they don't ask me to pedal Pampered Chef, cookie dough or tacky, over-priced wrapping paper in order to buy some random shit for the school that the stupidly high property tax I used to pay should cover and if it's not paying for it, I want to know what the hell it is paying for, we can co-exist peacefully.
Now, I am one of them. Oh shit. I feel like I've crossed over to the dark side and, until my son reaches third grade, I can't cross back over to the surly, anti-establishment side. Oh my God, what if word gets out that I belong to one PTA and then the PTA people at Grace's school mistakenly believe I can make necklaces with the school mascot on them out of dominoes and a piece of wire and they try to recruit me? Or what if Grace thinks I love Max more than her because I'm doing his PTA and not hers? Shit, y'all, this might not end well. Oh my God, what if it ends like this:
I know not even one of y'all are sitting right there at your computers thinking you wished you were on the PTA with me so you could watch this train wreck up close and personal. Right? RIGHT?
10 Talk to Me:
Tell me it ain't so! I can't believe you have fallen to the dark side. Next thing you know you will be baking fourteen dozen cookies for the bake sale. Or even worse, strong arming the other mommies to do it for you.
Oh wow. I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting this. I like Michelle's idea though: delegate.
Oh lord...your life is about to witness scandal, impeachment, brown-nosing, cliques (even though the parents aren't still in school) I witnessed this all my first year of PTA and got the hell out as quick as I could. I never went back to PTA. It was a train wreck for sure! I'm now involved in the parent booster for class of 2010 and it isn't much better! If they weren't so desperate for help and me being worried that son's prom will be held in the cafeteria I would run away from it too! Be prepared for the stay at home mom's to be the first to not do what they are supposed to and the working moms to have to do the brunt..sorry all you SAHM's this is only my experience in my little suburb!
The first day my daughter went to school they sent home a note asking parents to come join the PTA. Friends, relatives, boyfriends, creatures and Gods of all kinds came forth and said unto me, "Do not pass go. Do not collect $200." Most people were afraid that I'd walk in, tell everyone they didn't know what they were doing and leave as president...then spend my year complaining about how much work I had to do all by myself. LOL They were probably right. I never went. Never intend to.
May the force be with you.
Michelle: Oh, I'll have to delegate all that cause if I put any type of my dough in the oven in the attempt to fashion it into baked deliciousness, it will likely come out either still a doughy substance, at least in the middle or a little ball of charcoal.
Allie: I know. I didn't expect it either. You know, you bake real good and you live close to me...I need to e-mail you about meeting up. I'll do that now, I think.
Lesa and Black Cloud: I'm scared...
I have a smarty pants on my hands too. He is about to start kindergarten and while he's not reading at a sixth grade level, he is reading better than most his age and knows the states, presidents etc. probably better than I do!
I will consider myself warned about the PTA and while I believe myself to be rather crafty, I usually do it with a fair amount of smart ass and potty mouth mixed in so I don't think I would be a good candidate anyway.
Good luck with all that mess.
With Black Cloud: Use the force.
I'm way to competitive to be a PTA mom. Already, when it comes time to do goody bags, I want my girls' bags to beat any of the other moms' bags! Being a PTA mom wouldn't be good for my health probably.
I've got your cookie problem solved. Find you one of those markets that have the freshly baked goods. Buy the cookies freshly baked at the store, remove them from the package and pass them off as your own!
Totally runs in the family girl. Totally. I am a freak.
I have done the cookie thing before, except it was with muffins. Everything at Max's school has to be all healthy, but I burned the healthy muffins, so I bought some of those little mini muffins in the bags and dumped them in my bowl. Everyone thought they were delicious. Well, duh.
As I always say, the PTO is just like the PTA. And a little like the PLO.
Found you via After the Bubbly. I'm in Austin and as the PTO VP of Communications (WTF?), I feel your pain.
I am so glad you found me cause the PLO thing made laugh so hard I choked a little on my cantaloupe.
There's a VP of Communications for the PTO? Yeah, they probably won't be picking me for that one...
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