I'll Eventually be Back

Look, it's another great pic my ex-hubby took!! This is a strange place for it, right? Yeah, it's not supposed to be here. It's supposed to be at the bottom with a cute little pithy line that says, "Enjoy another great picture taken by my ex while you anxiously await my return." But, Blogger hates me and won't let me move this picture, so now it's here, which means this particular post begins at the end. Funny, huh?

Okay, so I'm not making any huge promises about the exact date of my return due to the following issues:

• I am subbing these days and teachers have to be at work really early and it's usually really late when I finish my household chores. Tomorrow, I'm off to Chemistry class. They're taking a test. This is good news for everyone because me, a beaker and a Bunsen burner is just the combination that will cause some kid to spend the rest of the school year without any eyebrows. Much like when I subbed for Ag class, but it was Ag technology and the cute little boogers wanted to know if they could work on their welding projects. I asked if they enjoyed having eyelashes. They said yes. I said I did, too, which is obvious by the gobs of mascara, applied to them, so maybe we wait until the teacher returns. They did not like this answer, but I did not care because I don't want to have to wear fake eyelashes.
  
• I just moved. Again. I have to figure out a delicate way to discuss this so as not to upset anyone. I can't figure that out right now because my entire life is in boxes and I can't find my silverware which is starting to get annoying. Finding a spoon with which to eat my Captain Crunch, which just got rated like the worst kids cereal ever put on the planet earth in the history of kids cereals, is kind of a priority right now.
  
• Grace has a crapload of homework that is requiring her to use the computer because I had to keep her out of school due to sickness and then because she had a home but there was no furniture in it because we got moved by what was the equivalent of Chip N' Dale. I called Rosa (Childhood Hispanic Friend) and asked her if she could please instruct me how to say, "You are the dumbest mother f-er's I've ever seen in my entire life. Is today your first day to ever work as a mover because, judging from your total inability to efficiently put my furniture in the back of your big ass truck or to drive over 15 miles an hour ON THE INTERSTATE, it would appear that you've never done this before." She said that was kind of a lot so maybe that wasn't such a good idea and Grace said I'd probably jack it up so bad I'd say "the cheese comes out of my bellybutton" or something like that. She thought that was very funny. She wasn't laughing when I made her move the furniture around the living room five different times. I was, though.
  
• I also can't find my socks. That's troublesome. I guess it would be more troublesome if I couldn't find my underwear, but I'm good on that front. My mama washed them for me. I was going to help her out and fold all the stuff up, but when I opened the dryer, my dad's underwear were in there instead and I just couldn't make myself touch them. That is ridiculous since I am a grown-ass woman, but just thinking about it right now makes me say, "Ewww, I saw my dad's underwear" in my head. That doesn't really have anything to do with the not blogging. I was just thinking it was getting late and I should probably figure out what to wear to work tomorrow.

So, those are some of the reasons I'm AWOL. I do plan to return because I love this blog and I love all my peeps and I love reading all y'alls stuff, but I need to work on some time management and a few other things, like figuring out where the hell my forks are, before I can give this thing the stellar quality of writing you're all accustomed to.

It's Alive

Let me begin by saying, rarely leaving the house does not actually boost your immune system and you will learn this only after spending an entire day around 9th-12th graders who, in less than eight hours, will infect you with cooties. Now, I must re-think my strategy for avoiding all things flu-like. Eat healthy? Take vitamin C? Wear one of those surgical masks all the time? Yeah, none of that is really working for me and, I don't eat all that bad anyway. I just inhaled a bag of gummy bears made with real fruit flavors. Hello. It has fruit. They were also a naturally fat free food. Hell, fruit and fat free. They were practically a salad. The mask just makes me either want to deliver a baby or cut someone open and remove an organ, both of which would end very badly, methinks, seeing as how I'd pass smooth out at the first sign of blood or a human head exiting a body. I am a big, fat chicken and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

So, this is just a short post to let you know, hacking cough and runny nose aside, I am alive and kind of kicking. I have lots of fun stuff to share, so maybe I'll be back later today. If not, I'll have to sneak off to the library or Starbucks because tomorrow we head to the old hometown for Thanksgiving and my parents have neither internet or cable. Not because they can't afford it. Just because Joy Fay thinks all of the above is evil and my daddy knows some battles just aren't worth fighting. Plus, I think he likes to go to the library to use the computer because he gets alone time. I tried to help him use a laptop on Saturday, you know, so he'd know how cool and handy it is. That's a blog post in and of itself. Long story short-you can't teach a 71-year-old dog new tricks. This is good information to have.

Alright, I'm off for my daily cocktail of drugs I'm sure shouldn't be mixed but that help me breathe and not cough on people. I'll comment on all the awesome comments from our pics when I return. It's best I not try right now. Who the hell knows what I'd come up with.

Picture Day

My ex-husband is a really amazing photographer. He's always been a a really good one, but the past few years he's dedicated a lot of time to it and gotten professional equipment (and training) and now he takes pictures that will absolutely take your breath away. So, when he asked if the kids and I would model for him this weekend, I was all like hell yeah cause a) I have no pictures of me with my/our kids and I knew his pictures would totally capture our personalities, b) my parents would so love to have these for Christmas, c) I like to say I "modeled" cause it makes me feel all young and skinny and d) I like hanging out with him because he makes me laugh and makes really good pork chops. The pictures turned out way better than anything I could've imagined and I thought there were way too awesome to keep to myself. Yes, it is your lucky day, because I chose to share them with all y'all. So, drum roll, please:

If you want to see even more of his stuff (and you totally do, trust me because he has some super cool, creative pictures on his website), click here. If you're local and you likey, if you ask real nice, he'll hook you up, too. I'll also add his link to my blogroll cause, well, cause it's my blog and he used to be my husband, so I can.

Yes, This Conversation Actually Happened as Written

Me: Gracie, guess who's going to be on "Good Morning America" tomorrow?

Grace: Dolly Parton.

Me: Isn't it exciting?!?!? Your maw-maw's gonna be on the television!!

Grace: Dolly Parton.

Me: Your maw-maw.

Grace: You mean Dolly Parton.

Me: I mean your maw-maw. Say it! Say she's your maw-maw!!!

Grace: Dolly Parton.

Me: You better not let your maw-maw hear you call her that. Do you know how hurt her feelings would be if she could hear you right now? I just can't even believe you. Ungrateful is what you are.

(Insert dead silence and the cold stare of a 12-year-old girl child here.)

And Grace isn't invited cause she won't say maw-maw. So there.

Eye Opener

Have you ever been in a situation you know is bad- a relationship, a job, a person that is a suck on your life-but you tell yourself it's probably not any worse than what anyone else deals with and it will eventually work itself out? But then you have an experience outside of what is your "normal" and it makes you realize that not only is your situation much worse than what other people probably deal with, it really, really sucks and maybe you need to get out of it? Yeah, I totally had one of those moments yesterday.

For the first time in longer than I care to think about, I saw my kids happy and their little faces lit up. We laughed and played and we not only participated in life, but we were eager to do it and try new things. We got to talk to friends without being nervous. No one was tiptoeing around worried about doing something "wrong" that would upset someone else and the kids didn't even fight. We even felt at home, even though it wasn't our home (it used to be). We were relaxed and there wasn't one iota of tension anywhere around us. We actually felt like a normal family. I'd forgotten that normal not only existed, but I could actually be a part of it. It was eye opening.

I've put my little people in a situation that isn't healthy for them or me and I didn't realize how much it effected them or how bad it was until I saw how happy they were yesterday. Grace spent an hour throwing a football and loving it! A football! My child has never thrown a football in her life, much less done it and had a blast doing it. Also, the Dallas Cowboys could totally use her because apparently her amazing softball arm carries over into the football. She could totally be a (insert position of person who throws the football and catches it a lot here). Max and I, who are far less athletic (thank God he's smart) played a game with a ball from a kid's meal because our football attempts were sad and we lost our football tossing privileges. It was fun and we all laughed and joked with each other and we were able to breathe. I didn't know we weren't breathing until yesterday, but we haven't been because we've been too busy waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Somewhere along the way I think I decided to settle. I gave up, really, and figured what I'm doing is the best I could do for my kids and me. Maybe I thought it was all I deserved for the many mistakes I've made. But yesterday made me realize it's not. Yesterday was the kick in the butt I needed to make me open my eyes and realize I need to make some changes because no matter how much I try to convince myself that things will work themselves out or it's just a period of adjustment but eventually it will be okay, the fact is I'm doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result and that ain't gonna cut it. I've been making the same excuses for far too long. Now, I have to stop making excuses and do the right thing. It's not going to be easy and it's going to mean more changes, but I finally know what changes I need to make, so we can only go up from here, right?

Something tells me things are about to get interesting.